Up-Selling the Coffee Chain Way

This morning I stopped into my local Canadian coffee chain [which shall remain nameless...let's call it "ryhmes with Jim Nortons"].

The "host" as their male employees are called (which reminds me more of a parasite that's sucking its victim dry, much like Jim Nortons is sucking my wallet dry because I'm addicted to their coffee) repeated my order twice (large 3 cream, 2 sugar) in his best monotone voice before proceeding to mix up my caffine fix.

Host: [goraning] "Is that everything?"
Me: "Yes."
Host: "Would you like to try our muffin of the month with that."
Me: "Uhhhhh...what's the muffin this month?"
Host: [Looks around for visual reminders because he's not sure what kind of muffin it is and groans] "It's a pumpkin seed and cinnamon spice sorta muffin thingy I guess."
Me: [Keeping a straight face] "Wow. It's tempting since you made it sounds so appealing. But no."

It amazes me the volume of people who are able to hold down jobs in the customer service industry.

Carni-val

My sister, Kirsten is home for the Canada Day weekend. In true Canadian fashion, we typically stretch any holiday into an entire weekend. Which provides even more opportunity for merlot and merriment.

One Canada Day staple is the obligatory trip to the fair. You know, for the kids ;) Neither of us can handle much of the swirling and whirling of the carnival rides (we're saving our stomachs for tomorrow). While my son and nephew ran from ride to ride (intermmittently waiting for long periods in line ups), it gave Kiki and I time to laugh at people's choice of wardrobe (less is never more) and other carni sites to be seen (tanned ride operators with more tattoos than teeth). My sister wondered if the carnis turn up the music and ride the rides after the fair patrons leave each night. My guess is...er, no.

Because of the week-long rain and thunder/lightening fest, the fair grounds resembled a swamp. We were wearing flip flops of course. And with each step, the warmish, smellish swampiness sank further up to our ankles. It was like walking through a sewer. The fact that young teenage boys (presumably trying to impress the girls) were walking around spitting everywhere and people brought their dogs to the fair who no-doubtably pissed everywhere, so it was very much like an actual sewer.

After almost two hours in the mucky muck, our feet felt like fecal covered ice cubes.

Kiki: "Remember how we used to wear strappy sandals out to the bar, even when it was winter?"
Me: "Yeah. Remember that time my feet were so cold I took off my mittens and wore them on my feet over my strappy shoes for the walk home when we couldn't get a cab?"
Kiki: "Yeah."
Lots of laughter.

Kiki: "Remember that time we couldn't get a cab and Kate wanted to go home with that guy just so she could get a ride and avoid walking?"
Me: "Was that the night "name of guy" wanted to take her home and we tried to carry her to Subway?"
Kiki: "No, that was a different night. I'm talking about the night she tried to pee in the alley way between the two parked cars."
Me: "Oh, was that the night I took you both for a ride in the shopping cart and it tipped over on the sidewalk and you both fell out?"
Kiki: "No, that was a different night."
Me: "Oh."
Kiki: "Those were fun times."
I nod in agreement and lots of laughter.

I made her stop telling stories because I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to s*** myself (not very attractive and thanks in part to the spicey hamburger wraps we ate for supper). Fun times indeed.

The Amazing Race Eh

Season 10 of the ultimate (ULTIMATE) top notch show has begun - the Amazing Race. And I can't help but plead my case to cutie pie Phil Keoghan to allow Canadians to enter the throws of non-stop action adventure. I'd consider "settling" and be a contestant on Fear Factor but lost-in-your-eyes Joe Rogan doesn't permit North of the Borders. Come to think of it, sweet cheeks Jeff Probst doesn't want to cosy up to a Canuck during a friendly game of Survivor either.

What's with the Hoser ban? I'm sensing a conspiracy amongst American networks. And there can only be one reason for keeping Canadians out in the reality TV cold...because we'd win. Every time.

Sure, the game wouldn't be the same if the country that coined the loonie and toonie were given all-access passes. But think of what we would bring to the show! Just think...[I feel a list coming on]

Top Reasons Why Canadians Should be Contestants on The Amazing Race:
- Endearing Canadian accent
- Ability to convert from metric to imperial (or SI) system and then back to metric again
- Great sense of direction and map reading. Bonus: can point out location of America on an unmarked map
- Possible sponsors would include Tim Hortons - free Timbits for everyone!
- Drag a** because of gained weight from free Timbits
- Renowned for politeness. Examples include: "I'm sorry" (even when we know it's not our fault!), "no - you go first to the pitstop", "don't highjack our plane please" etc.
- Ability to speak many languages: English, Acadian French, Quebec French, and Newfoundlander which will come in handy when travelling to...er, Canada.
- Supply of Canadian flag patches for backpacks
- Unique storeytelling ability, "This one time at Rubber Band Camp..."

And if that wasn't enough to convince you Phil, perhaps you could make an exception just for me? If you say "I'm Erika" really fast, it sounds like you're saying America.

Coincidence? Not bloody likely. I take size small in a t-shirt btw ;)

Do You Smell That?

Ah, yes. The smell of fall is in the air. Either it's fall or...nevermind. It's crisp, it's fresh. There's just somethin' about it. Fall is my favorite time of year (apart from New Year's, my birthday, summer rain, Johnny Miles Marathon Weekend, the first snow fall and when Justin Timberlake releases his next album *ahem*).

For me, fall means many things, like back to school (horray!). Just kidding. Ok, I'm slightly serious. Fall is an exciting time, a switching of gears. The camis, capris, sun dresses and sexy sling-backs are packed away (at least they are when you live in Canada). And out comes the wool sweaters, corduroy jumpers, tweed mini-skirts, leather platform boots and ever-so-sexy long johns.

Despite the fact that during fall us Candians bundle up, I find it the most enticing time of year. Summer's too sluty. Everything's "out there". But fall, ah, now there's when the imagination has to get you going. You have to wonder just what's under that camel skin-cotton-cashmere blend sweater.

Personally, I think there's nothing sexier than a guy in a wool sweater. Ok, maybe not a wool sweater because I'm allergic to wool. But a thick cable-knit sweater, or turtleneck. Mmmmmm...turtleneck. Um, not sure what my point was here. Ah yes, it's that leaving something to the imagination is good. You may never know what's under there. Or, you might. You tease.

And don't even get me started on hot chocolate by a roaring fire.