Age Ain't Nothing But A Number

Another day, another birthday bringing me ever so closer to 40. And wrinkles. And gravity.

Thirty-three sounds like an odd year. Thirty-two was so good. Like here, here, here too, and who could forget here. But not so much here, or arguably here.

Can thirty-three really top it?

I skipped out of the office this afternoon to grab some much needed caffine. Walking down the side walk I was beginning to wonder when I'd start to lose my sexy and youthful magic. Especially with my impending nuptials. Every woman ages at least 5 years at the altar.

My thoughts were interrupted by a man, who tripped walking across the street. Apparently multitasking isn't his thing because he was too busy rubbernecking at yours truly to focus on unimportant things like staying vertical. He tried to cover his tracks and act "cool" like he meant to trip. Uh huh.

Ok, that made me feel better.

I waited in line at "Sounds like Jim Nortons" for my coffee. The guy in front me ordered his iced cappuccino, and gave me the once down, once up dealy. Then he smiled and said "hellllllo". Maybe I'm paraphrasing - there might have been less L's in that hello but I'm pretty sure I got the meaning. Now I was getting cocky. I smiled the "I'm trying to be polite but not even in your dreams" look.

Ok, that made me feel better. And like I needed a shower. But better.

On the way back to my office, a construction worker called out "Hey baby, where'd you get a fine body like THAT?" Without missing a beat, I scoffed "Jillian Michaels." I could hear him asking one of his buddies whether Jillan Michaels was the name of a local gym.

Ha! Still got the magic.

Sins I've Committed (Today)

In no random order, these are the things I've done today that will probably ensure I'm headed down under (and I don't mean Australia).

Sin #1: I'm very spoiled since moving in with Paul. He makes me coffee every morning, and delivers it to me when I step out of the shower all clean and shiney. It's my princess moment. Well, Paul's away on business this week. And this morning I didn't have time to make my morning coffee. There was too much morning stuff to do. Like...er, making breakfast. Ok, technically I didn't make breakfast, I just opened an Ensure shake. But the shake cap was on like really really tight. So, I was just lazy and didn't feel like making the coffee. Whatever. I'm not one to apply labels. Liar!

To solve all my caffine problems, I hit the Sounds Like Jim Nortons drive-thru and ordered 2 coffees - a medium double double for the drive and a large triple triple for starters. Which lead to...

Sin #2: When I gave the Sounds Like Jim Nortons girl my money, I gave her an extra 12 cents for a tip. Not 10%, but this blog doesn't generate an income. Being the polite Sounds Like Jim Nortons girl that she was, she tried to give me back my change. Like as if I can't add or something. But instead of saying, "do you want your 12 cents?" I hear "do you want your 2 cents?" Tempting but, um no. I don't. And I didn't even bother to correct her. Perhaps I should have, she probably needs the cash to pick up some elective math classes at the local elementary school.

Sin #3: This was my favorite sin of the day by far. I went to Old Navy to shop for a cute coat for the cold Canadian chilly days. I picked three colorful contenders and went to try them on. The Old Navy chick asked me my name for their [dumb-ass] white boards on the dressing room door. I said "Ann." It took all my mite not to giggle. It made it all the better when she asked, "Do you spell that A-N-N or A-N-N-E?" So I mocked, "It doesn't matter, I'll answer to either."

If you can't have a little fun...Oh hell. Tee hee.

Liar Liar

[Interior...Jim Norton's]

Me: [Waiting patiently in line for my turn to get my usual sweet delicious need-it-to-think large triple triple coffee]
Jim Norton's Girl: "Hey, where've ya been? I haven't seen you all week."
Me: [Looking around to see who this chick is talking to. She's looking at me.]
Me: "I've been here every day this week."
Jim Norton's Girl: "Liar."
Me: [blink blink] "The only day I wasn't here was yesterday." [Why do I even feel the need to explain my whereabouts to the coffee shop girl?]
Jim Norton's Girl: "Oh ya, I've been working all nights. That explains it."
Me: [Yes, but that doesn't explain you're crazy and possibly a stalker. Moving slowly away from the crazy Jim Norton's girl, avoiding eye contact]

Perhaps it's an extra-large coffee day.

Think this post was full of extra-large goodness? Rate it on Humor-Blogs.com.

Putting the "T" in Drive-Thru

Paul and I were driving back to my house following "Meet the Parents" (as in the actual meeting of my parents and not watching the movie "Meet the Parents" although I'm sure my story much like "Meet the Parents" but unlike "Meet the Fockers" could be parlayed into a blockbuster plot*) we decided to get a little pick-me-up at the local coffee shop drive-thru which "sounds like Jim Norton's".

Both of us were feeling a bit under the weather, and neither of us were in the mood for coffee (I know, weird eh?), so we opted for tea.

"Sounds like Jim Nortons" Drive-Thru Girl: Welcome to "sounds like Jim Nortons", can I take your order?
Paul: I'll have a large tea with milk. What kind of specialty teas do you have?
Drive-Thru Girl: A large coffee with milk?
Paul: No, a large tea with milk. What kind of specialty teas do you have?
Drive-Thru Girl: Aaaaaaaa...we have English Breakfast, Earl Grey, Green Tea, (pause) Honey Lemon, Apple Cinnamon...
Paul (interrupting): I'll take Apple Cinnamon.
Drive-Thru Girl: Chamomile, Orange Pekoe, Peppermint (pause)
Paul (getting impatient): I'll take Apple Cinnamon.
Drive-Thru Girl: And we also have Chai Tea.

At this point, I'm laughing my ass off in the passenger seat. Paul repeats the Apple Cinnamon again, and we drive up to the window to pay.

After the regulatory 15 minutes cool down period (for the tea, not Paul) we open our respective cups, ready for the warming tea-ness to slowly invade our bodies.

Paul: Ew...that Apple Cinnamon is not as sweet as I thought it was going to be.
Me: WTF! This is coffee!

* Coming soon to a blog near you!

Up-Selling the Coffee Chain Way

This morning I stopped into my local Canadian coffee chain [which shall remain nameless...let's call it "ryhmes with Jim Nortons"].

The "host" as their male employees are called (which reminds me more of a parasite that's sucking its victim dry, much like Jim Nortons is sucking my wallet dry because I'm addicted to their coffee) repeated my order twice (large 3 cream, 2 sugar) in his best monotone voice before proceeding to mix up my caffine fix.

Host: [goraning] "Is that everything?"
Me: "Yes."
Host: "Would you like to try our muffin of the month with that."
Me: "Uhhhhh...what's the muffin this month?"
Host: [Looks around for visual reminders because he's not sure what kind of muffin it is and groans] "It's a pumpkin seed and cinnamon spice sorta muffin thingy I guess."
Me: [Keeping a straight face] "Wow. It's tempting since you made it sounds so appealing. But no."

It amazes me the volume of people who are able to hold down jobs in the customer service industry.