Wednesday, December 05, 2007


Today, my daily horoscope said:

"Wow! You are due for a sizzling couple of days, thanks to the smoldering Venus/Pluto, aspect today. Make sure that you’re looking your best, and if you can, indulge in a scented bath, or treat yourself to some sensuous scent to bring out your passionate and vibrant nature!"

What it should have said:

"Wow! You are in for a shitty day. Your alarm will not go off this morning making you cut out a few steps like shaving arms/legs while rushing to get ready for work. When you get to work, you'll eat a whole bag of Christmas jelly beans because you're PMS'ing and need to indulge in some emotional eating. You'll jump every time the phone rings, thinking it's the bank calling to say there isn't enough money in your account to cover both of the cheques you wrote. And your skin is "adjusting" to the cold weather so you'll unknowingly walk around half the day looking like you have a boogie hanging from your nose when really it's just a piece of skin. You're hairdresser is booked well into next week so don't even think about doing something about THAT [points to hair]. Treat yourself to some serious alcohol!"


Frankly, Scarlett said...

Maybe we have the same birthday - because mine was oddly similar.

Jami said...

I think there was a smoldering Venus/Pluto somewhere in my neighborhood because my eyes started watering whenever I went outside. And it smelled like burning dog.

Erika said...

Scarlett: I'm a Taurus...

Jami: So that's why Mickey Mouse was in hysterics. Poor Pluto.