Yessterday was D day. No, not THAT D day. The other one...the day I went to the dentisth. And, no that was not a sspelling error. Neither wass that.
My brand sspanking new sshiney plastic and wire oral applicancess has given me a lisp. Yess folks, I'm the proud owner of my very own sspeech impediment. Ssuper.
It's alsso made people not want to ssthand in front of me when I sspeak, probably due to the exsthreme amount of ssalvia I'm creating and ssubssequently projecting.
I desided to write thiss blog exsactly as I would ssay it. Which is quite hard come to think of it so I'll stop now.
In addition to my new hardware, I'm also consuming a bevy of vitamins and muscle relaxers. So at least now I'm somewhat calm about my lisp. In fact, I'm so relaxed it's slowing down my typing quite a bit. See how slow that was?
It's not just the drugs that are affecting me though. People are treating me differently. My coworkers think my new way of speaking is "cute" and "adorable" like Cindy Brady. Sure, Cindy might have been cute till she opened her mouth, then she was just plain ****ing annoying. I'm not a snitcher, I just tell it like it is!
Strangers just stare at me with this look. You know the one...big sympathic eyes, tilted head to the right. Yeah, like that one you're doing right now. It's given me a new appreciation for speech imperfections. My dentist assures me it will go away. When it does, and I meet someone who still has their speech impediment, I won't point and laugh at the dorks like I used to. No, I'll give them a hug and say, "Some day, some one will love you, you dork."
For me, it's not just about the variation of speech in my effort to realign my jaw. I can't eat anything hard. Actually, even soft things are challenging. It took me 60 minutes to eat 3/4 of a biscuit because you can't chew, but just mush things with your tongue. Possible side-effect: unplanned weight loss.
I guess I'll have to add "Realign Jaw" to my list. Unless ofcourse, I missed the episode where Cindy Brady gets asked out on a date. Then again, she was only ten on the show. But still. In the words of Cindy, "I'm cool but no boy ever calls me for a soda." You said it Cindy, you said it.