It started with the rise of the Metrosexual. Then came all the Manscaping, MG-strings, and Bromancing. And now..it's the Mantyhose. Is nothing sacred? I mean, what woman would find these sexy on their buffcake beefcake?
I'm so glad Paul knows how to nuture his cave-man side. That, and he isn't sporting a mullett [anymore].Then again, those buns on Adam over there do look rather squeezeable, don't they? I mean, the mantyhose really accentuate his features. Ooooo - imagine the front view. What was I getting at?Oh right. Something about...oh hell. I need a cold shower.
A certain blogger friend of mine who shall remain nameless rhymes with Heater is into tracking people who visit his blog.
I thought it would be interesting to see who was reading obsessively fixating on mine [yes, you like me, you really really like me]. Anyhoo on rhymes with Heater's recommendation I signed up for the handy dandy randy services of "My Blog Log".
One of said services is what I like to call a "web crumb". Much like Robert Downey and Britney dropped rehab bread crumbs to find their way back to Oz - a web crumb shows how readers found stumbled upon your site by complete accident, whether from a google search or via site link from another equally well endowed scripted blog.
And since I can't make **** like this up, I decided it was definately list worthy.
Things People Are Searching For With Google & My Blog Showed Up in the Results:
- redhead sparkly signs
- sluty figure skaters
- wedgie techniques
- hot lady next door- angry ferret photos
- cute redhead at the office
- medicinal use of ketchup
- what would brian boitano do
- men answering door in bra
- sexy msn addys
- top 10 things to look forward to after 50th birthday
- strip scrabble
- office cubicle decorating
- sluty redheads
- sexy laryngitis voice
- erika with a k
- hungrey joes wives, and my personal favorite...
- big boobs jello wrestling
And to think, I'm the one common denominator in all this.
Today's post was pirated from fellow blogger Peter DeWolf who, let's be honest, inspires most of us with his all kinds of awesomeness.
5 Things You May Not Know About Me (Or perhaps more aptly named, 5 Things You Wish You Never Knew About Me):
- I am currently afflicted with a "touch" of laryngitis.
Cons: Am on the verge of cancelling plans for this weekend unless I brush up on my charades skills
Pros: Sexy gravelly Kathleen Turner-esque voice (or voice of a 20-year pack-a-day smoker). May finally have a legitimate reason to use finger puppets on a date.
- I have a mole on my right nipple.
Cons: Cindy Crawford made the upper lip mole sexy but to my knowledge there has not been a campaign to increase awareness and acceptance of moles on breasts.
Pros: Showing random people my breast...er, mole.
- I think this season of the OC sucks ***!
Cons: Not seeing Benjamin McKenzie brood while wearing his trademark wife beater.
Pros: Not seeing Benjamin McKenzie beat someone's *** while wearing his trademark wife beater.
- I drive a Toyota that's 10 years old.
Cons: Possibly hitch hiking to work.
Pros: Being able to say I drive a "classic." Plus, it has a sunroof that gives me that sexy wind blown look in the summer, and a "sunroof" tan.
- I make a mean plate of stuffed mushrooms
Cons: Being able to cook little else.
Pros: Appearing somewhat competent in the kitchen, especially when mushrooms are accompanied by wine (lots and lots of wine).
This wasn't as easy as it looks - so what don't I know about you?
I've been tagged by Sean (who is so NOT getting a Christmas present from me this year ;)
Here's how this little game works...
"According to the rules, each player of this game starts with the title "Six Weird Things About Me." People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own six weird things and state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose six people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says, 'You are tagged!' in their comments and tell them to read your blog!"
For the record, I am not tagging anyone (much like Amy opted to do). And will try to throw in a few extra weird-isms as a consolation prize. Yes, I am the girl who does not forward that email within 5 minutes to 10 of friends or risk bad luck for the rest of my life. Those emails stress me out (hmmm..this could be on my list). Unlike Amy, I doubt I can come up with 42 weird-isms.
If I was tagging (which I'm not) I would definately include Marvo, Peter, Grins, Hannah, Mark and my sister Kirsten.
So, let's get going shall we.
Six Weird Things About Me (Or as I like to call it, what makes me unique :)
- I got my first (and only) cavitity at the age of 23.
- I have to tint my eyebrows/ eyelashes every few weeks or risk looking like I was involved in a fire because my lashes/brows are freakisly invisable.
- When I sign a document, I write with the paper sideways.
- I wear purple-framed glasses (like the ones pictured at right, only a bit smaller, and purple).
- I broke my ring finger on my right hand playing an agressive game of balloon volleyball and had to be taken to the hospital. It took at least 5 minutes for the ER doctor to stop laughing.
- I am afraid of balloons, like really really afraid. They make me throw myself into the arms of the first man I see. You can imagine how much fun I am at children's birthday parties.
Wow - that was strangely quite easy.
Here's a few bonus weirdisms:
- I'm only 5"6 and 3/4's but I wear heels (99 % of the time) so people think I'm a lot taller than I really am. Heels easily add 3 inches to my height.
- I think Rowan Atkinson aka Mr. Bean is sexy.
- If I could guest star on any soap, it would be Coronation Street.
- I've never dated a guy with blond or red hair.
- I'm obsessed with cleaning (don't analyze it, it's a good obsession unlike my fixation with slogan t-shirts and 3-ply napkins).
- My middle name is 10 letters long.
- Some days, I don't even brush my hair before I go to work - I just put a bit of pomade in it and tousle for a sexy just-rolled-out-of-bed look. Surprisingly, this is when I get most of my hair compliments. Apparently, effortless is sexy.
- Sometimes I wonder if I have undiagnosed Tourettes syndrome. Usually I am in the car or talking to my coworker Rowan when this happens.
Ta-da! There you have it. An intimate look into [some of] the weirdisms of the Redhead-Next-Door. What? Did you think I was perfect? Oh wait, that was me...
"In the vegetable garden of love, which veggie best sums up your single's attitude?" Yes, it's thought provoking questions like these [posed by LavaLife's online dating magazine] that keep me up at night pondering the answer to singleville's little questions. It's right up there with "if you were an animal what would you be?" Ok, I have been known to ask guys this pre-first date, but only to sort out the labs from the dobermins, er...I mean sort out the gentlemen from the weirdos or certifiably insane.
So let's get to it shall we?
Here's my summary (so you can avoid reading the whole article - you'll thank me). And in true Redhead-Next-Door style, I've added in some of my own comments and suggestions for people attracted to these vegetables. I mean people.
The Mushroom:
Pros: You have a versatile, diverse outlook, dry sense of humor, cute-as-a-button temperament, not shy in bed and love making mastery has been known to cause hallucinations and fantasies
Cons: Earthy mysteriousness (not to be mistaken as earthy mustiness), potentially bad roots
Suggestions: Deodorant and frequent visits to hair salon, limit walks in woods
Warning: Mushrooms may cause fantasies
The Cucumber:
Pros: You keep things real and raw in a relationship (hopefully this does not include cooking meals), shape of body can arouse people from across the room much like the effect Austin Power's mojo has on women with names that sound like naughty-bits
Cons: Can appear standoffish, tough, thick-skinned exterior, you play it cool
Suggestions: Always cook meat until well done, use lotion to soften tough skin
Warning: Austin Powers-like effect
The Potato:
Pros: Chill-axin' kind of person, take note - have eyes in the back of your head
Cons: A bit of a homebody, somewhat lazy in the sack, have an attitude for every occasion
Suggestions: Make potato salad, the spicy kind.
Warning: Anything that conjurs the phrase "chill-axin'" can't be good
The Pea:
Pros: A total people person (as opposed to a half a people person – I’ll spare you by not naming which half). Like smaller, tight quarters as opposed to massive ones (i.e. nightclub). Sweet, cuddly personality.
Cons: Accused of being a close talker, occasionally snap [at lovers who get too mushy about the relationship]. You keep things fresh and crisp.
Suggestions: Who cares?
Warning: Objects in mirror are even closer in real life than they appear.
The Onion
Pros: Injects pearls of wisdom into exuberant 5 minute talks in crowded rooms.
Cons: Dramarama! Love to make dates laugh and cry. Can be tricky getting to know the sweet, juicy core behind your layered exterior.
Suggestion: Wear less layers – I know it’s winter but a turtleneck and a sweater? Forgetaboutit!
Warning: Leaves crowds exhausted, much like reading this blog post.
The Carrot
Pros: No-strings attached kind of person, fiery, showy/ colourful personality [read: not good looking], speak your mind.
Cons: No-strings-attached kind of person, has a tendency to stew about things.
Suggestions: Instead of stew, try meatballs. Make ‘em spicy.
Warning: Paper bag might be required.
The Asparagus
Pros: Spring is your favorite season, when new love blossoms so easily <**gag**>. Believe yourself to be sexually spectacular. Have a natural breaking point when clinginess starts to set in. Keep a tight bunch of friends, and depend on them to keep you in line.
Cons: Lovers tell you that whiffs of your musky love permeate them the day after.
Suggestions: Showers (for you and your lovers), and maybe some new friends.
Warning: Avoid spring unless on a constant diet of Gravol.
Despite LavaLife's neat little pros and cons (and my witty suggestions/warnings) dare I say that I'd rather date a combination of veggies, and not one in particular (though the mushrooms are tempting). Therefore, I guess my single's attitude is having a soft spot for a salad-type lad. If such a salad exists. I mean guy. I wonder what the options are for dressing? Waiter, don't forget the cheese!
It started with the rise of the Metrosexual. Then came all the Manscaping, MG-strings, and Bromancing. And now..it's the Mantyhose. 
