Monday, September 04, 2006

Save A Cowboy, Ride a Horse

#4. Go horseback riding (Note: something my married sister always wanted to do...and thought it could go on my list. She has forgotten all too soon about what the dating world is really like and is having way too much fun thinking of items to add to my list). COMPLETED

It's official...I am a cowgirl. Well not "official" in a got-a-diploma-from-cowgirl-college kind of way, but pretty damn close. Yee-haw! [See, can speak in cowgirl-isms] and I really know how to show off a great pair, boots. Yes, that's it. Boots.

While on mini-vacation in New Brunswick, had the opportunity to saddle up at the dude ranch. [Note: dude ranch is NOT a literal term, there were no dudes there.] Studs (of the equestrian variety) yes, but no dudes (except that one guy who was there with his girlfriend but he was kind of whimpy). Alas, I polished my pair, boots for nothing. Yes, that's it. Boots.

I even met a celebrity at the dude ranch. Well, not an actual celebrity per say, but there were some parallels between my horse and a certain Mr. Tom Cruise. But I'm putting the cart before the horse here (brewhaha).

To start off, we completed a short form/ questionaire. Blah blah blah no libility, ride at own risk, helmets available, have you ever rode before (keep a straight face), how long since your last ride (stop frowning), what would assist with choosing the right horse for you? Hmmm...answer: a horse that likes to go s-l-o-w. I even spelled it just like that "s-l-o-w."

The horse lady didn't even look at our forms. She just chucked them in a pile on a shelf in the stable. And that's how I ended up with [Tom] Cruise.
Well, that and the fact that I'm 5"6 and 3/4's and that's how they pick your horse, by height. The similarities between the two were definately list worthly so...

The Parallels Between My Horse Cruise and Tom Cruise:
- Both have brown hair (I know! It's like they're freaking twins or something!)
- Bud, the oldest and slowest horse of the group was ahead of us and I had to keep pulling on the reins to stop Cruise the horse from riding into Bud's a**. Please people, don't make me spell the parallel out for you here
- I am a redhead, Nicole Kidman is [sometimes] a redhead
- When I tried to direct Cruise the horse with the reins, he just tossed his head and then rode headlong into the bushes (no doubt to teach me who's boss). Much like Tom Cruise has to have control over everything. Katie, I mean, Kate are you reading this?
- Tom Cruise has been known to jump on yellow couches, Cruise the horse stepped on a yellow dandelion

[Note: This list is very funny when you're drinking white wine].

My time with Cruise lasted 60 minutes (longer than most Cruise encounters I'm told). And, it was kind of boring to be truthful (again, parallels). I know I said I wanted a slow horse, but the couple of times we trotted was the best part. Turns out, I'm a cowgirl who likes to go fast.

The ride left me refreshed and sore as hell. The picture of the cowgirl (above) was obviously taken pre-ride. But nothing beats having the breeze in your hair, riding horseback through the open field. Now I remember why I wanted a pony when I was younger. Ok, who are we kidding, "pony" was on my wish list last Christmas. I guess there's always this year.


Peter DeWolf said...


Did you also wear fishnet stockings?

Erika said...

OMG! How did you know? That was you with the binoculars in the bushes? In my defense, they were only knee high fishnet stockings and barely noticeable under my boots/jeans combo.

Kirsten said...

Your a funny cowgirl. I only had one sip of red wine and laughed all the way through this one (However,I am known as the cheap drunk of the family).

Where did the name cowboys and cowgirls come from. Shouldn't we stick to horseback rider or call ourselves horsegirl/horseboy. Just a thought.

Erika said...

Dear sweet sister...I guess you are the cheap drunk of the family if one sip of red wine gets you thinking that horsegirl sounds ok. Horsegirl... sounds like part girl, part horses ass. I'll stick to cowgirl. :) Yeehaw

PS - Is B-i-l reading too?

Peter DeWolf said...

Don't you hate how bincoulars give up a glare on sunny days, whilst hiding in bushes?