Thursday, March 29, 2007

Waa-Waa Whaa-Whaa

Ever wonder what it would be like to talk like Charlie Brown's teacher for a day?

Me either.

Sadly, the fates have other plans for me.

Right about now it feels as though the thorny crown of Jesus (a la his crucifixition) has been shoved right into my mouth. Actually, more like a new-age thorny Jesus crown made of metal instead of wood. Same great gashes and tears, without the wooden aftertaste.

Perhaps the pain meds and booze are wearing off.

Perhaps this is the kind of pain men feel when they receive a quick sharp kick to the kajones. Except the pain is in my cheeks. Like a set of aching throbbing cheek kajones.

And the pain meds and booze are working again.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

The Last Supper

Tomorrow morning I'm getting my braces on.

Tonight I wanted to go crazy for my "last supper" so I could enjoy all these foods I'm not going to be able to eat for a FEW YEARS! Like poutine...Mmmmm...

I was heading over to my Nan's to help her with some chores and told her not to make supper, as I was bringing something delicious. She'd already had a pork chop dinner in the works. "But Nan, I wanted something good," I said.

Oops. I didn't mean it like that.

So then I felt guilty and agreed to eat the pork chops. That was my last supper. Of great substance anyway.

What bothers me the most is how girls keep telling me how braces will be a great way to lose weight. Uh huh. I don't want to lose weight. Any thinner and I'd make Nicole Ritchie look fat.

But seriously...I'm super stressed right now about my impending dental fusion with metal. I'll be ok after that initial mirror reveal, but until then, pray for me :)

Monday, March 26, 2007

Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm... #3

A certain blogger friend of mine who shall remain nameless rhymes with Heater is into tracking people who visit his blog.

I thought it would be interesting to see who was reading obsessively fixating on mine [yes, you like me, you really really like me]. Anyhoo on rhymes with Heater's recommendation I signed up for the handy dandy randy services of "My Blog Log".

One of said services is what I like to call a "web crumb". Much like Robert Downey and Britney dropped rehab bread crumbs to find their way back to Oz - a web crumb shows how readers found stumbled upon your site by complete accident, whether from a google search or via site link from another equally well endowed scripted blog.

And since I can't make **** like this up, I decided it was definately list worthy.

Things People Are Searching For With Google & My Blog Showed Up in the Results:
- redhead sparkly signs
- sluty figure skaters
- wedgie techniques
hot lady next door
- angry ferret photos
cute redhead at the office
- medicinal use of ketchup
- what would brian boitano do
- men answering door in bra
- sexy msn addys
- top 10 things to look forward to after 50th birthday
- strip scrabble
- office cubicle decorating
- sluty redheads
- sexy laryngitis voice
erika with a k
hungrey joes wives, and my personal favorite...
- big boobs jello wrestling

And to think, I'm the one common denominator in all this.

I'm baaack

After a brief (ok much too much, long hiatus) I'm desperately trying to play catch-up with my favorite blogs. It's exausting really. You've all been very busy while I was on cloud've been getting jiggy-with-it, growing old gracefully, manhandling wood, bra shopping and drinking some really weird **** posing as pop.

That's pop. Not poop.

The humor, the swearing...It's all coming back to me.

I've missed you.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Single Girl On A Saturday Morning: The Warm Up

It's official, it has been one month (yesterday) since Liam and I went on our first date.

Tonight, he's planned a 60's themed date [and now you're all thinking about make love not war jokes]. I'm not sure what our 60's date entails but I do know he's tracked down my favorite Beatles movie (Help) and has been compiling music for the occasion, including dusting off his personal collection of Pink Floyd. Liam feels a certain responsibility to make things semi-authentic since he was actually born in the 60's.

He's so creative and knows how to plan. I'm not sure men fully understand how much women appreciate planning and creativity. Or perhaps it's just me.

To get ready for this evening, I'll go through my usual "ritual" of pre-date activities. I'm not sure guys fully understand how much women go through to get ready for a date. Or perhaps it's just me.

Showing up looking "naturally beautiful" is hard work. Observe...

Top 10 Pre-Date Get Ready Activities Done By Women:
- Some sort of physical activity to rid the body of any retaining fluid (level of activity varies from woman to woman, i.e. go to the gym, walk around the block, get out of bed)
- The 3 S's...****, shower and shave
- Pluck random hairs from face, chest, etc
- Condition skin
- Paint nails in pretty color like "Blushed" or "Sheer Innocence"
- Concoct effortless and sexy looking hair do via sheer torture with heated metal appliances like a curling iron
- Forage around dresser drawers for suitable bra and knickers
- Spritz subtle perfume in key areas
- Pick out "knock his socks, etc off" outfit
Apply layer of natural looking makeup

Wow, I'm tired just writing about it. :)

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Sha La La La La La La

There seems to be a rather nasty case of the "blog-blocked" going around, and I'm definately not immune.

When I'm finding it hard to come up with something to write, I look to my fellow bloggers for ideas to pirate, er...I mean to provide inspiration. I'm routinely "inspired" by Amy and Peter. Today, it's Sean's turn.

Sean threw down an invite to list "10 songs you HAVE to sing along to when they come on the radio/ipod/whatever. Those songs that you can't skip past, you can't turn the dial, you have to turn the volume up and sing along with." Sounds like just the thing I need to get inspired for more blogging :)'s my list. Please keep in mind that I can't sing. I only sing when I'm alone (in the car, in the shower, in the photo booth at the carnival).

The Top 10 Songs I HAVE to Sing Along:

1. "Bootylicious" by Dentiny's Child
2. "Heterosexual Man" by Odds
3. "I Don't Feel Like Dancing" by Scissor Sisters
4. "Working For The Weekend" by Loverboy
5. "Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top
6. "Love Fool" by the Cardigans
7. "Chotee" by Biff Naked
8. "Make Me Over" by Hole
9. "Love Will Keep Us Together" by the Captain and Tennile
10. "Addicted To Love" by Robert Palmer or "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer

It was quite hard to condense my list to only 10 - it's really missing some ABBA, Bee Gees and Bon Jovi. I make no apologies for my taste in music. Or my lack of singing talent :)

Thanks Sean, I'm feeling less blog-blocked already!

Friday, March 09, 2007

Memory Loss and The Joy of Dating

My current dating situation and "head up in the clouditis" is beginning to have a bit of an impact on... well, everything.

On Tuesday morning I was half way to work when I noticed that my son was still sitting in the back seat of the car. I'd completely forgotten to drop him off at school.

Well, it's not like I left him at home or anything...

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Random Compliment, #4

Today I was at a "Crisis and Transition" seminar for work. During our morning break, a lady who works in my department and I were making idle chit chat. We see each other occasionally at the same meetings and training seminars but we don't work out of the same office.

She asked me whether I had any children. I replied yes, that I have one son. Naturally, her follow up question was, "how old is he?" I replied, "He's ten."

"Ten?" she asked (partly to me, partly to herself). I could see her trying to do the math in her head...

"I thought you were only 22," she said.

I was tempted to say, "Well, I was married very young." [Which is very true. Though I certainly wasn't 12]. But I didn't. I explained that I'm actually 30 (and 3/4's). She looked relieved.

And I thanked her for making my day.

But in actuality, it freaked me out. Because then I start to think about things like...he will be eligible to drive a motor vehicle in 6 years. And in 8 years he'll be off to university.

I will only be 38 when he goes to university. 38!

Hey, wait a minute...

Monday, March 05, 2007

Single Girl On A Saturday Night: Cloud #9

Will somebody please pinch me?

Ouch! What the hell did you do that for?

Oh right, I asked you to.

So, my Single Girl on A Saturday Night feature is a bit late. Ok, 3 days late. But it's so hard to write a blog post when your head is up in the clouds all swirly thoughts and stuff. And it's so hard to see to write a blog post when your eyes are all dreamy and stuff.

I went to Liam's on Saturday evening. We cooked supper (chicken curry stew). Yummy!

We drank white wine (Fish Eye). Intoxicating!

We watched the start of the lunar eclipse. Breathtaking! We forgot about the lunar eclipse. That's ok!

We played three rounds of Scrabble (with bets). Rewarding!

Toward the end of the evening he whispered something in my ear that was so sweet and sincere I almost cried. I've never experienced anything quite like this before; it's different. I'm not sure how. Just that it is.

If I am dreaming, I never want to wake up.

Except to pee. I can imagine urine soaked sheets are not a fun experience.

[Post Blog Note: We didn't actually get to eat dessert. But I left it at his house for him to enjoy. Solo ;) ]