Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Nailed It

This morning I was flying around the house doing odds and ends before I left for work (emptying the garbage, doing dishes, sorting laundry - all very glam) when I noticed my faux-index fingernail was missing.

First thought: Crap.

Second thought: How hard can it be to find a nail?

** 10 minutes of searching with zero results later...***

Third thought: I'll just put on another faux-index fingernail. Add a dab of instant-bond nail glue and presto! The nail is in place.

Next thought: WTF? My faux-index fingernail is glued on with a slight slant to the left. Normally this wouldn't be all that noticeable except yesterday I re-glued my faux-middle fingernail on the same hand and it has a slight slant to the right. And now it looks like my fingernails are giving a peace sign. Not my fingers, just the nails.

My faux fingeranils are way too hip for me.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Kids Say the Darndest Things, Part 2

[Poking my head into my son Aidan's room this morning at 7:10am]

Me: "There's no school today honey. You'll get to spend the day at home with Paul."

Aidan: "Yay! I get to spent time with Future Dad."

And I picture Paul in a cape with heroic pose (as heroic as you can be in tights) with a big FD on his chest.

Friday, January 25, 2008

[Seeing] Stars On Ice

Remember what happened the last time I went skating?

What do you mean you haven't memorized every single one of my posts??? And you call yourself a reader. Pffft!

Ok, so let me refresh your memory.

Some staffers at work (including yours truly) have decided to head to the local rink every Thursday for some lunch time triple axles. Yesterday was our first outing. I'm rustier (if that's even a word) than the last time.

I cautiously wobbled my way onto the ice (kind of like a new born baby fawn or colt or spider) shouting, "I'm gonna break a hip!" only to notice the rink was full of old people. And I'm not talking 50 year olds...I mean old...like 70. Somehow I don't think they appreciated my sense of humor.

[Note to self: it's uncomfortable when you put your foot in your mouth, especially when wearing skates. Don't make fun of old people. They have enough to worry about, like breaking a hip].

I managed to stay upright for 28 of the 30 minutes. I was distracted by the old people skating circles around me. Literally. And they're so cute too...skating around, arm in arm. Like little shriveled up dancers. But with mittens. When I did fall, it was a wipe-out of epic proportions. A collective "Ooooo" rose up from my crowd of fellow skaters. A sweet old man stopped to pick me up. He said something sweet and old-man-ish. I smiled and said something sweet and redhead-next-door-ish. We parted ways as I began to dust the massive amounts of snow and ice shavings off my ass.

My pants were soaked. I probably looked like I peed myself. I bet those old people were pitying me. Not because of my lack of skating ability, but because they know how uncomfortable it is when you pee your pants.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Technical Difficulties

You know it's going to be a fun day when you try to send a fax with the photocopier.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Calm Before The Porn

My brother-in-law, Tony, emailed me at work on Friday.
Tony: "I just sent you some video files that I hope you can open
that I think are funny. I've been laughing uncontrollably every time
I show someone here in the office so hope you get a kick out of
them too. "
Me: "Surfing the porn again eh. Tee hee. Just kidding. Thanks
Tony :) I can always use a good laugh!"
Tony: "You know it's kinda funny, I was just on the phone with Tech
Support and they had control of my computer and up pops your
email message "Surfing the porn again eh. Tee hee." They had
control of my PC so I couldn't even close it. EMBARRASSING ;(
I guess that's the price I pay for surfing for porn!!!!"
Me: "HAHA - that is funny! I'm sorry. I know you are very professional
and would never surf porn at work (that's what the home PC is for ;)
If Tech Support needs a character witness, they can call me! I'll
vouch for you."
Tony: "Tech Support are capable of monitoring what I surf at work
but I don't think need you to vouch for my porn surfing at home :) !!!!! "
I love my brother-in-law.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

The Price of Engagement

I'm still close with my high school girlfriends because a) I don't make girlfriends all that easily, and b) they kick ass. The girls were wondering when they could see "the ring" making me feel a bit like Frodo.

I advised them via email I was thinking about hosting a "Meet the Fiance" party next weekend. Suzie emailed back, "You mean FIANCE...I hope, or does Paul like to be referred to as the Finance."

Oops. I re-read my email - turns out I'd written "finance" instead of "fiance."

Thank goodness husband is easier to spell.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

20 Questions: The "So Your Engaged" Edition

Paul and I were engaged less than 24 hours when the litany of questions began from the information wolves. And boy were they hungry (the information wolves and not actual people). I stopped keeping snacks in my cubicle long ago because it encourages people to stop by and graze. And grazing usually leads to questions.

Questions ranged from the normal curiosity, "So have you set a date?" and "Where are you getting married?" to the more probing "Will you be moving to [Paul's city]?" and "Will you be changing your last name or keeping your maiden name?" to the anal probing because it's so invasive
"Are you pregnant?" and/or "Will you be having more children?"

We JUST got engaged.

I was just expecting people to want to gawk at my ring and ask questions about how Paul proposed. I really didn't expect to have the wedding details sorted by the next day. It's life, not laundry.

Friday, January 04, 2008

Ringing In The New Year

If you live in Canada, there's one thing that happens every single year on New Year's Eve. Yes, there's fireworks. A kiss at midnight....mmmmm hmmmm. Someone having one too many bottles of Spumante followed by an in-depth convo with Sparkles the cat. But that could happen anywhere. I'm talking about Canada eh, as in A big ass snow storm. And this year was no exception.

I had to work New Year's Eve in the AM so Paul spent the night at my place. Our plan was to drive up to the city after I got off work. Paul's brother Steve and his wife Misty were hosting a murder mystery party, set in the 1920's. Paul was playing the role of the Mayor. I was Flirty Flapper, his dish on the side.

Flirty flapper costume: check
Winter tires: um....no

The raging snow storm made me question whether we should risk the drive. Paul was adamant we were going. I tried to reason with him. He said he wanted to show me off at the party. Awwww. That's sweet (in a realizing your potential-trophy-girlfriend-material kind of way). Ever the practical voice of reason, I offered, "Honey, it doesn't matter where we are on New Year's Eve as long as we're together." Paul retorted, "We're going." So much for the voice of reason.

I half understood his drive to well, drive. Paul spent his last New Year's drinking alone in his condo (probably talking to Sparkles). The year before that he was dumped on New Year's Eve by his then-girlfriend while they were traveling abroad right before he was about to propose. He was possessed with breaking the jinx on his New Year's.

So I prayed a lot during the drive - "oh my god, oh my god, oh my god." Paul was unusually quiet the whole two and a half hours. Like really unusually quiet (This is the same guy that met an oil tycoon while swimming in the Italian sea).

Paul wanted to cook me a nice romantic dinner before we headed to the party. Unfortunately our drive was an hour longer than usual because of the weather (and we left late) so we were slightly short on time. Again, being the ever practical voice of reason I said, "Let's just grab a salad at [name of grocery empire]." Paul sighed and conceded.

Back at Paul's place we were making dip, getting our salad ready, and making last minute adjustments to our costumes.

Paul: "Let's sit down for a minute."
Me: "We don't have time to sit down."
Paul: "Let's sit down for a minute." He puts his arm around me and corrals me over to the couch for a mandatory rest period. My head resting on his chest.
Paul: "Do you know how much you mean to me?"
Me: "Yes."
Paul: "Can I ask you something?"
Me: "Yes."
Paul: "Will you marry me?"
Me: (stunned) "Are you kidding?"
Paul: (looking worried) "No. I don't think so."
[Puts beautiful sparkling ring in my line of view]
Me: something incoherent
[kissing, kissing and more kissing until I realize I haven't officially given him an answer]
Me: "Yes, darling, yes I will marry you."
[Paul puts the ring on my finger]
Me: "Can you ask me again so I don't ruin it this time?"
Paul: (Laughing) "Yes, will you marry me?"
Me: "Yes!"

So that's why he wanted to "go to the party" so badly - the ring was at his place. Why he was so quiet. Why he wanted to cook a romantic dinner but he couldn't protest when I said salad. I was sooooo clueless the whole time! I'd never seen Paul so nervous. He confessed he wanted to start the year off right. Awww. Now that is the sweetest.

Oy! I'm getting married.

[And yes, we did go to the party. There may have been some editing in there. I'm not drawing a straight line for you here people.]