Wednesday, July 26, 2006

If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

Despite my better judgement, I agreed to let my coworker Mary (aka Undercover Mother) set me up with one of her daughter's hunky, er...geeky clients (stick with me, it's get less complicated and sounds a lot less shady).

Mary's daughter Bridget is a massage therapist/ pastry chef/
triathelelon competitor and has a massage client (herein referred to as Evan the Electrician), she thought I should meet. Normally it's an ethical no-no to divulge one's clientele but just like my list...exceptions to the rule. [Who knew ethics were so bendable? I have so much to learn!]

When I arrived at work in the morning there was a rather large sign on my computer screen, directing me to go to Mary's cubicle immediately upon arrival. It was pink and printed mostly in capitals, so I knew she meant business. I didn't even have time to set down my coffee travel mug before Mary swooped in and promptly had me write down my digits (we're talking cell, work AND home phone numbers) and one of my three email addresses. Normally it takes a guy at least three dates, a background check and a written test to get this much contact information. Yes, she's that relentless (glad she's an ally :) Bridget was going to call Evan that very day and pass on my info. There's some enviro/politically correct/potentially foriegn film that he was looking to see and Bridget was going to ever-so-casually suggest I was up for a little cinematic adventure.

Since I'm on a dating drought that could lead to more than whispering sub-titles in one another's ears.

That was approximately 7 days and 10 and a half hours ago (not that I'm counting or anything!)...and no call from Evan the Electrician. Yes, you read me right - no contact, or as they say in the other official Canadian language, La secousse ne m'a pas appelé. [French sounds so sexy even when you're saying something un-nice].

So I came up with a list (naturally) and I've properly dubbed it...

Things To Do While You're Waiting [but not really wanting to seem like you're waiting and it's taking what seems like bloody forever] For the Phone To Ring:

- Sample Vex's new hard blueberry raspberry "lemonade"
- Try another sample (ok...two), just to make sure your first impression was accurate
- "Mow the lawn"
- Write your next blog post
- Use spell-check incessantly to review blog post for lemonade inspired typos/confessions
- Actually mow the lawn
- Have phone convo with ex-husband who mistakenly calls you "Dear" then tries to recover by making it seem like he meant to say your name which sounds nothing like Dear (oh Dr. Freud how you mock me!)
- Bake family-secret-recipe chocolate chip cookies
- Eat family-secret-recipe chocolate chip cookies
Attempt new Billy Blanks workout video still in cellophane wrapper to burn off calories accumulated from binging on chocolate chip cookies [note to readers: probably best not to attempt after "samples"]
- Ponder why Big Brother All-Stars is somehow less entertaining than BB6...I mean, they're supposed to be ALL-STARS
- Read possible side-effects on birth control package
- Question continuing to take birth control as you are probably never going to have sex again (or at least in the immediate future)
- Pick up phone to make sure it is still in service [it is]
- Call loyal friend Charlene to make sure phone really is in service [yup, it is]
- Carry on with life


utenzi said...

"dear" is one of those words that we can use by habit. Probably not even a Freudian slip--just a force of habit thing. Funny though!

Almost 100% of my phone time is spent with my girlfriend, who I usually call "babe" and once when talking to my Mom I used "babe" with her. *blush* I sure hope it was habit and not Freudian! LOL

BTW, I found your blog via Grins.

Grins said...

Oh my friend...get out of the house. And I don't mean by mowing the lawn. Try not to wait by the phone. Phones never ring when you wait for them just as pots never boil when you watch them.

Hannah said...

Pah. His loss. Drink lemonade, eat cookies and move on to the next one!

Neil said...

I don't understand. Why did you mow the lawn twice?

Erika said...

The first "mow the lawn" is in quotation marks and does not actually refer to mowing the lawn but is a slang term. The second mow the lawn refers to exactly that...mowing the lawn. Hope that clears up the confusion :)