Monday, November 20, 2006

Single Girl's Guide to Being Handy: Tip #1

Here's the scenario...

You've retired to your fru-fru hotel room for the evening, intent on catching up on some "Sell This House" episodes. After all, carpenters put the handsome in handy. Or something like that. [You don't think well on an empty stomach in this scenario].

You grab a drink, from the four-pack of Pina Colada Bacardi Breezers you drove an extra half hour out of your commute to purchase, at the only liquor store open on Sunday.

You grab a white fru-fru hotel towel from the bathroom so you don't do a number on your nails, and use it to cover the top of the bottle whilst you give a quick twist. But the top doesn't come off. You're really going to town but the cap isn't budging. And then you realize...

Pina Colada Bacardi Breezers aren't twist caps. Frantically, you search your fru-fru hotel room for a bottle opener. Nada. Ok, breathe. You've just got to put those brains to good use and come up with an invention. A bottle cap opener invention. Easy peezy.

Look for something metal you can use for leverage...the lamp? No. The iron? No. The bath tub water spout. No. Getting warmer. The remote control? **** no. It's plastic. You were doing better in the bathroom. Go back in there.

And then, it appears. The small metal square plate on the door frame. Where the movable metal thingy from the door knob clicks in to. Yeah - that! This can be used to pry each little individual groove of the bottle cap open slightly. Then after about a good 10-15 minutes work, presto! You are ready to consume a Pina Colada [or some similarly silly drink made by a manufacturer that has not come into this century and added twist-caps to their beverages].

See, you don't sweat it - you're single AND handy! Whatcha need a guy for when you got great inventions like this? Oh yeah, that whole "penis" thing. Damn.

4 comments:

Sean said...

tenacious.. excellent quality.

Erika said...

Thanks [blush] :)

Kirsten said...

This story reminds me of when mother and I walked 1 & 1/2 hours one way on Young Street in Toronto in search of a liquor store only to find out the next day there was a liquor store in our hotel.

Anonymous said...

I went to an art school that was 95% male, and lived in student housing, which was like living in a frat house. My 'frat brothers' taught me a valuable trick - how to open a bottle with a lighter. It did take some practice, but once mastered, it's been a valuable tool in my lil bag 'o tricks! Also, it's a trick a lot of men haven't mastered or seen before, so some of them want to learn, while others appear as though they've been immasculated. Oops, sorry boys!