Thursday, May 29, 2008

Top 10 Ways to Make An Impression: The Job Interview Edition

Recently I went for a job interview for a position in Paul's city. The following are some simple and straight-forward tips I learned, that I thought I'd pass along to my fellow job hunters.

Top 10 Ways to Make An Impression: The Job Interview Edition
Completely rip the ass of your pantyhose getting out of your car. Have pantyhose hanging precariously by the front bits. Wonder whether you have enough time to dash into pharmacy to pick up new pair [answer is NO]. Thank your lucky stars: a) your skirt covers your bum, b) you decided to go with bikini briefs, and c) it's only semi-mildly windy.
2. Close the car door and turn to put money in the parking meter at the exact moment a truck drives through the only puddle on the street (which just so happens to be right beside you) and showers your new interview suit with a wave of cold muddy puddle water. Thank your lucky stars: a) your interview suit is brown so muddy puddle water blends in, and b) it's made of linen which soaks up liquid pronto.
3. Your interview suit is made of linen making it look like you slept in your suit. Convince office receptionist you are not homeless person but actual interviewee.
4. Continue laughing as you enter the interview room because of pantyhose and puddle incidents. Realize interview panel thinks you're either: a) crazy, or b) not taking the interview seriously. Picture Roseanne Barr naked to stop fits of laughter (works every time!).
5. Lead interviewer has a cold and advises she won't shake your hand in case she's contagious. Quip back "That's ok, I'll get you next time!" As if a) you're so confident you'll get the job and will shake her hand on your first day of work, or b) your going to keep interviewing until they give in and hire you, or c) you'll be stalking her until you get to shake her hand.
6. After every question, ask "Can you repeat the question?"
7. For questions you don't know the answer to say "That's a good question..." to buy yourself some time to think of something coherent and get rid of the deer-in-headlights look in your eyes.
8. To the question, "What types of decisions do you find hard to make and which do you find easy to make?" Answer: "I'm decisive, it's easy for me to make most decisions. The ones I find hardest are what to wear, like this outfit today."
9. Get so caught up in your fabulous answer that you forget the question (even though you've been talking for 7 minutes straight hoping something you said answers whatever they asked). Follow it up with "Can you repeat the question?"
10. At the end of the interview when they ask if you have any questions, ask "How did this position become available?" Watch them tear up as they answer, "He died."
Bonus Tip: Hand in your references, saying "They're expecting your call."


Jami said...

Sounds like you nailed it!

Kenya said...

Best Interview EVER, they should hire you for entertainment purposes if nothing else

Wanderlusting said...

THANK YOU! Now I will be totally prepared for my all-important interview next week. God I've had a few doozies like the one you had, and once they still offered me the job. In fact, I went to an interview yesterday that went super well - surprisingly, cuz when I looked back at the cover letter I sent them, only half of it was complete!