Thursday, October 05, 2006

Office Prank #1: Anal Glaucoma

On Tuesday morning I rec'd the following email from my friend Charlene.

A women calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well. "What's the matter?" he asks. "I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice. "What the hell is anal glaucoma?" "I can't see my ass coming into work today..."

Finding it completely hilarious, I printed it off and posted it outside my cubicle for my coworker's enjoyment.

Debbie, who works in the cubicle across from me, sent the staff an email suggesting we all call in sick tomorrow from anal glaucoma. Rowan was going to be the only supervisor in (the rest would be away on training) so he would be the one to receive all our messages. He comes into the office every morning by 8 o'clock, so the voicemails would have to be left before that time. Debbie directed staffers to my cubicle to read more about this "condition" in case not everyone had the opportunity to check it out (were busy working perhaps?). Ofcourse, we were all planning on actually coming in to the office, but we wanted Rowan to sweat for a bit.

This plan was so ingenious I laughed all afternoon. Then I laughed in the car on the drive home. Not a regular laugh either. The head-thrown-back laugh so other commuters though I might possibly be off-balance. It was hard to get to sleep that night, you know, from all the laughing.

[the next morning...]

I attempted to call Rowan's voicemail. I called three times. And hung up three times. Because I was still laughing my *** off. Then I wrote a script, to make it easier:

Script: [in a weak voice] Hi Rowan, It's Erika. I can't come into work today. I have a really bad case of anal glaucoma. I was diagnosed yesterday with anal glaucoma. The doctor said it's going to be a really bad year for anal glaucoma. There's a really good article about this condition outside my cubicle, if you want to learn more.

This did not help with the not-laughing part. I looked at the clock - I was going to be late if I didn't leave now. I decided I could send the message from my voicemail at work. I just couldn't let Rowan see me before I did it.

[at work...]

Debbie jumps into my cubcile - "Did you do it?" I explained what happened and then assured her I was going to send my voicemail right now. Debbie had already left her message and was remaining incognito. She had even gathered some intell: Rowan's red light was still flashing on his phone, meaning he had not checked any of his messages. Hmmm...the whole prank could possibly tank if we didn't take action.

I decided there were two choices: Choice #1: I could go over in person (hold my *** for emphasis) and do my script. Pros: Would be hilarious and I would go down as acting legend. Cons: Could burst out laughing and all our planning would be for nothing, be the victim of "good going" comments from staffers and possibly be hit with random flying objects around the office. Choice #2: Send high priority email to Rowan. Pros: Quick and could laugh as much as I like. Cons: ???

So I went with the email. Six staffers crowded into my cubicle as I typed out the following email:

Hi Rowan,

I'm so sick I can't even stand up.

I started feeling sick yesterday. There were a couple of people at work who also thought they might be coming down with this too. I went to the doctor last night and he said I have anal glaucoma. And that it's going to be a bad year for it.

Can I go home?


We were laughing so loud I was sure Rowan would hear us from his cubcile across the office. Two seconds later, I received his reply:

I'm not going to ask about the sickness, there's a joke in there somewhere. If you're sick, go home.

Rowan saw me about 10 minutes later and asked why I wasn't on my way home. So I had to explain it all to him.

I consider myself to be quite crafty when it comes to pulling pranks. I successfully pulled them on Marco (and vice versa) countless of times. So I'm not used to this feeling of prank failure.

Ah...revenge shall be mine!


Peter DeWolf said...


That is even funnier than if it had worked out.

You know, for me.

Erika said...

Best to stay on my good side never know what's up my 3/4 length satin sleeve.

Peter DeWolf said...

But, I'm, uhm, laughing WITH you.

Yeeeaaah. That's it.

Kirsten said...

All I can say is you have the best work enviro!