Thursday, September 13, 2007

Ass-Hole

Remember what happened to my last [and by last I mean only] pair of pants?

Score! I was unpacking my winter clothes [it's getting a bit frosty north of the border] and found my light brown cords. I thought I'd given them away last winter because they are a bit big. And by a bit big I mean I could pull them down over my hips when zippered and buttoned at the waist.

But that doesn't matter because I was back to being the proud owner of one pair of pants. One pair of pants that must be worn with a belt.

Wore them to take my son to school for his first day of grade 5. Ran into former hunky high school classmate. Was told I looked amazing.

Wore them to work. Was told pants really highlight best asset (the super booty).

Washed them. Ironed them. Put them on for another redhead-next-door adventure. And that's when I saw it...a hole in the ass of my pants. To be more specific, another frey in the ass of my pants. I mean, how is this possible? Am I THAT hard on the ass of my pants that I'm wearing out the material?

So I was late for work because I had to concock a new outfit dejours.

Consulted with coworker Mary (aka Undercover Mother) about said ass-hole. As weird as it sounds, I quizzed her whether she has noticed me wiggling about in my chair during meetings which could account for freying. Mary advised that was probably something she would notice. Considering the frey location (about half-way up the butt cheek along the crack) I would have to slouch down before commencing any chair wiggling which I'm guessing would be quite noticeable.

She did suggest that maybe shirt-less lawn mowing neighbour Chip was breaking into my house and rubbing the bum of my pants [the rest of this sentence is censored] and did elicit a response of "Ew" from yours truly. In unrelated news, Mary is missing her pork chop broiler pan. We suspect it's the undetectable work of Chip.

Perhaps instead of throwing out pants, I should invest in some sturdy yet fashionable pant patches for the cords and the countless ass-worn pants that will undoubtedly follow.

[Post Post Update: I bought 3 brand spanking new pairs of pants. And I'll be keeping my eye(s) on them].

4 comments:

Amy said...

Just want to clarify something. Was this "former hunky high school classmate" a former classmate who is still hunky, or is he formerly hunky in addition to being a former classmate?

I suppose it doesn't really matter. Either way I would have enjoyed it. I like running into hunks, but there is also something quite satisfying about knowing that you've aged better than someone from your past.

How are you adjusting to the switch to pants? I'm not liking it much, I still want to wear my skirts, but I FREEZE when I do. I actually wore my boots a few times already because I didn't want to wear pants and it was too cold to go bare legs and feet.

Marvo said...

I think if Chip was breaking into your house he would be [this part of the sentence is censored] and [this part of the sentence is censored] and [this part of the sentence is censored] a warm apple pie.

That's what I would do...I mean, that's what I think he would do.

knucks said...

ahoy hoy..just thought i would say hi as i have been reading your blogs for a while.let us know the results of the trouser issue soon.is the hunk a possible date??
looking forward to the next installment....
hello from from england...

paul.

Erika said...

Amy: No, no, he's still hunky. Although it's funny - I didn't find him hunky in high school. I'm adjusting to the pants quite well, except it takes more effort to pee.

Marvo: I'll never eat apple pie again.

Knucks: The hunk, while hunky, is not a possible date. Just eye candy that gives me random compliments.