Thursday, September 20, 2007

Nuts and Bolting

Mary (aka Undercover Mother) and I were chatting about her impending trip to the eye doctor this week. As it turns out, we go to the same one. We'll call him, Dr. Evans** I've been going to Dr. Evans for eye exams since I was a wee little redhead.

Mary confessed that for this week's appointment, she's opted to go with Dr. Evan's daughter who is a newly minted eye doctor. "Instead of going to see the nut rubber."

"The who what now?" I asked.

She said it again, without trying to laugh. "The nut rubber."

Picture it: You're sitting in the eye examination chair thingy. Dr. Evans is seated (legs open) in his wheely chair, and comes toward you to begin the exam. Granted, we're dealing with eyes here so a doctor does need to get close. And before you know it, his nuts rub against your knee. And I don't mean bag of peanuts...

At first, you think, did that JUST happen? A drive-by scrotum sack swish? You try to put it out of your mind. Clearly you imagined it. But then you come to the realization that you've had less bodily contact with lap dancers.

Mary has even attempted to out smart the good doctor. She's tried to cross her legs (he asked her to uncross them), and tried to use her purse as a knee/nut guard (he put her purse on the floor). And per usual, she was groin grazed.

And here I thought it was just me. Turns out Dr. Evans doesn't discriminate between the sexes, he's an equal opportunity nut nuzzler. He's given Mary's son, Brad, the ball brush, in addition to her daughter Bridget. The more Mary and I talked (and laughed because the whole sorted scrotum scenario is as funny as it is bizarre) we discovered it's also happened to our coworker Aaron (who was oblivious to Dr. Evans' beat with his south of the border bongos).

And here's the quandary. My next eye appointment is in January. Should I go to Dr. Evans and
blow the whistle on his testicle two-step? Or should I let sleeping dogs lie, and just switch to his lack-of-sack daughter?


**Definitely not his real name, what am I crazy?


Anonymous said...

Too hairdresser does the pelvic press....I try to keep my arms off the arms of the chair and away from his groin....

Amy said...

Perhaps this doctor should be reported.

I've had approximately 30 eye exams in the past year alone. During that time I have been examined and treated by 7 different doctors plus a least a dozen other health care professionals. I have never come into direct contact with the "private region" of either a male or a female during an eye exam. Come to think of it...I'm sure that ALL of my eye doctors are standing during my exams.

I know it isn't always easy to get a good look, which might explain his perceived need to pull his "chair" so close as the optometrists need to be, the ophthalmologists need to get even closer. However, rather than "pulling up a chair", all of my ophthalmologists have at some point asked me to get into some pretty awkward positions so that they could see better. As a result their nuts have always remained well out of my "personal space".

Book your appointment with his daughter. I don't think a man is capable of paying much attention to anything else (like your eye health) when his nuts are being rubbed.

Charlene said...

I've only had one eye exam and the Dr was a "come from awayer" that visits our area twice a month to do exams. He sat on a wheelie chair and the same exact thing happened!! You'll have to ask Dr Evans if he travels!!

Sean said...

i just went to a female eye doctor a couple weeks ago. girls never hit on me, so i know it was innocent, but for a few minutes she had her legs firmly pressed against mine and rested her hand on my knee.

i enjoyed the ride. but then she wasn't a way old woman who'd i'd been seeing since i was a wee lil one. she was cute.

Erika said...

Anonymous: OMG - I didn't even think of the number of times I received the same "special treatment" from a hairdresser...

Amy: Uh huh.

Char: Yes, I'll ask Dr. Feelgood if he takes his Rub-A-Dub-Nut show on the road ;)

Sean: Maybe she was into you but because of her professional vow must worship you from a far. Or near (depending on your vision).

carrotpenis said...

Reminds me of the friends episode where the tailor gives Chandler the shift while measuring his inseam.

While that sounds kind of gross, I have no problems with boobs in my face while getting a hair cut. What if he was a hot doctor?

Eileen Dover said...

Oh, no, GO GO GO! It makes good blog fodder!!!