Saturday, September 16, 2006

Sorry Ma'am, We Don't Sell That

This has got to be some sort of record. It's been an exhausting two+ weeks of online dating and I have decided to delete my profile.

Hmmm, why you ask? Well could it be that...
a) I've met someone absolutely delightful
b) A computer virus has been unleased destroying hard drives of online daters, so I'm taking evasive action ASAP
c) Have quickly realized there are no fish worth catching in the online sea
d) Am accepted into the seminary

Yes, it's "c". In the words of Undercover Mother's daughter Bridget, it's like looking for Filet Mingnon at the corner store. They just don't sell it.

Besides, it was just for fun. And it was becoming quite the opposite of fun...work perhaps? I have no problem attending functions by myself but thought how nice it would be to have someone spin me around the dance floor. Have you ever tried to spin yourself? It's quite tricky really.

Pity party, table for one?

First up is my end-of-the-softball-season dance at the end of the month. Cost = $5 per couple. Coach said to make sure to bring our husbands/boyfriends.

Me: "What if you don't have a boyfriend?"
Coach: "You don't have a boyfriend? You don't have a boyfriend?" [No, there was no echo, he really asked me twice]
Me: "No."
Coach: "What's wrong with you that you don't have a boyfriend?"
Me: "Er, if I knew that I'd have a boyfriend."
Coach: "You don't have a boyfriend? Well, if you don't have a boyfriend, $2 for you."

I have a feeling that single men do not have to go through this type of humiliation.

7 comments:

Peter DeWolf said...

See, I think you should take that as a compliment that people are shocked that someone as delightful as you is single.

Julene said...

If you are really looking for a boyfriend I've got a slightly used one (soon to have an eyepatch) I could cut up and mail to you in crates.

Erika said...

Peter: Ok, I'll rationalize it that way.

Julene: While I do find eyepatches quite sexy on a pirate, er...man, I think I'll pass. I'm not really looking for a boyfriend. Just some arm candy.

Peter DeWolf said...

Wait... so it's rationalizing to think that way?

Crap.

I have some things to re-evaluate...

Kirsten said...

Eventhough I'm a old married gal now I do remember what it was like to be single. Being around other coupltons is the worst. It makes you feel
lonely, depressed, etc.

I would talk a few of your married friends into a girls night out. Let's face it when it comes to dancing the only thing most men are good for are chair decoration. You might as well leave them at home to babysit the kids. Groups of women have a far better time at dances, that's a fact!

Hannah said...

The only response to that question (which - seemingly unbeknown to people in couples - is not something one asks) is: because, under my clothes, my body is entirely covered in scales.

Erika said...

Peter: That's why I pay my therapist the big bucks, to break it to me gently. And by therapist, I mean the employees at the local Tim's.

Kirsten: I would never classify you as "old" b/c I'm the older sister so what would that be saying about me? Is b-i-l going to babysit so we can go out dancing?

Hannah: Scales! I will have to remember that. In fact, I'll start recording such responses on cardex cards for quick and easy use. Thanks :)