Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Honk If You're An ***hole

A youngish sassy redhead exits Shoppers Drug Mart after buying most recent stash of cosmetics. Spots geekyish guy also exiting said store over her left shoulder. Probably just bought condoms she muses.

Their eyes meet across the crowded parking lot, she blushes slightly. He raises his sturdy hand out of his navy wool blend coat pocket and disarms his car alarm. It makes that "beep beep" noise just as she walks by his vehicle. Like the car is electronically whistling at her.

She looks at him, as if to say, ask me out if you dare. His shiney GM with the new car smell does not impress her. He looks at her, as if to say, don't you love my shiney new GM?

The redhead slides into her gently used Toyota with the fake strawberry air freshner smell. Turns the ignition and puts it into drive. She slams on the brakes as the shiney new GM car guy cuts her off in the parking lot. She sighs. And smiles to herself. Perhaps he was only there buying hemorrhoid cream.


Anonymous said...

hee hee

Nicely done.

Anonymous said...

That is not the first time your "ask me out" smile hasn't worked ... perhaps you should be more direct (we men are rather terrible at picking up subtle clues -- unless you hit us over the head with them). Passing out your name and phone number on a business card might work...

Great (and funny) post!!

Anonymous said...

Gee whiz! This fictional girl (choke choke) could have at least thrown her fishing line into the water by saying "hello" instead of just dangling it with her daring look.

Erika said...

Peter: Thanks, I aim to please!

Starboard tack: The business card thing sounds so cliche. I didn't realize caveman era tactics still worked. I will try hitting over the head from now on ;)

Amy: You should take something for that cough :) He was at least 8 feet behind me, so I would have had to yell hello. Pros: multiple guys noticing me could result in more date invitations. Cons: Guys wondering who the hell that chick is yelling at. Sadly, when I was 18 the look was enough.

Anonymous said...

the geekyish guy sometimes is intimidated as hell by the "the look". not that i'm speaking from personal experience. because i can't recognize "the look". but if i could, i'm sure it'd send me scurrying instead of drawing me out.

Anonymous said...

Between the time I left my last comment this morning and now, I got a new car.

I just went to the gym with it. When I returned to the car after my workout, I pressed the button on the remote to unlock the door. The shiny new GM went "beep beep" causing me to laugh the kind of laugh that makes snot come flying out ones nose. Thanks!

Kirsten said...

Great use of visual words, I could picture your post like a comical skit on the tele. God, I love reading your posts. Anyway, I have to agree with Starboard tack, that "look" may have lost its effect from 8 feet away.

Plus, when you were 18 you wore really short skirts, the flowy ones that blow up with a gust of wind. Remember the New Glasgow Bridge... This could explain why you got a lot of dates... I'm just saying :-)

Erika said...

Sean: I certainly don't want to send anyone scurrying:)

Amy: Glad to know I haven't lost my touch in the make-snot-fly-out-of- people's-noses department.

Kirsten: I don't get what you're trying to say/imply :)