Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Zen and the Art of Dating

"Zen" noun. A school of Mahayana Buddhism that asserts that enlightenment can be attained through meditation, self-contemplation, and intuition rather than through faith and devotion.

"Date" noun. A particular point or period of time at which something happened or existed, or is expected to happen.

I've decided to get more "in touch" with [i.e. develop] my "spiritual side" [i.e. besides the occasional glass of rum. Oh who am I kidding?! The multiple glasses of rum. There!].

By reconnecting with the earth (or some kind of nonsense hippie crap like that) I will draw a more spiritually centered man into my life. I've become quite good at attracting wankers (ok, and the occasional good guy with the worst possible timing). I now feel ready to open my [well defined] arms to a man who has obtained a higher state of enlightenment.

After all, like attracts like. Except when opposites attract.

So, I made a list of things to incorporate into my daily life that will attract every priest within a 50 km radius (and hopefully a few non-denominational men who are not bound by a life of celibacy):
- increase yoga/ meditation practice
- buy new yoga outfit
- read back issues of Oprah magazine
- cry (probably while reading back issues of Oprah magazine)
- lay in a field of grass
- pray...when on the way to hospital after laying in field of grass without remembering to take allergy medication

- up consumption of green tea from zero to 1
- week-long detox program

According to my calculations, in no time, me and my spiritually inclined manswich will be doing partner yoga like nobody's business. Just like this...


Sean said...

so. you know. do you REALLY want the enlightened guy? have you seen bedazzled with liz hurley?

Erika said...

Yes (I think) - after all, I haven't dated an enlightened guy yet. Is Bedazzled the one with Brendan Fraser? Remind me, what was the "moral of the story"? I vaguely remember a deal with the devil.

Alan said...

Excellent strategy, RHND. After all, no yoga-practising, edible shoes-wearing, tree-hugging, deodorant-eschewing man could possibly be a wanker. Could they?

Erika said...

[*warning: philosophical jargon ahead]
Alan: The only guarantee in dating is that there's no guarantee about much of anything. I thought, what the hell (no pun intended)- take a different approach. What's the worst that could happen? I meet more unsuitable suitors. It's a risk I'm willing to take :)

James said...

Any luck yet?

Erika said...

Ask me tomorrow ;)