Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Zen and the Art of Dating

"Zen" noun. A school of Mahayana Buddhism that asserts that enlightenment can be attained through meditation, self-contemplation, and intuition rather than through faith and devotion.

"Date" noun. A particular point or period of time at which something happened or existed, or is expected to happen.

I've decided to get more "in touch" with [i.e. develop] my "spiritual side" [i.e. besides the occasional glass of rum. Oh who am I kidding?! The multiple glasses of rum. There!].

By reconnecting with the earth (or some kind of nonsense hippie crap like that) I will draw a more spiritually centered man into my life. I've become quite good at attracting wankers (ok, and the occasional good guy with the worst possible timing). I now feel ready to open my [well defined] arms to a man who has obtained a higher state of enlightenment.

After all, like attracts like. Except when opposites attract.

So, I made a list of things to incorporate into my daily life that will attract every priest within a 50 km radius (and hopefully a few non-denominational men who are not bound by a life of celibacy):
- increase yoga/ meditation practice
- buy new yoga outfit
- read back issues of Oprah magazine
- cry (probably while reading back issues of Oprah magazine)
- lay in a field of grass
- pray...when on the way to hospital after laying in field of grass without remembering to take allergy medication

- up consumption of green tea from zero to 1
- week-long detox program

According to my calculations, in no time, me and my spiritually inclined manswich will be doing partner yoga like nobody's business. Just like this...



6 comments:

Sean said...

so. you know. do you REALLY want the enlightened guy? have you seen bedazzled with liz hurley?

Erika said...

Yes (I think) - after all, I haven't dated an enlightened guy yet. Is Bedazzled the one with Brendan Fraser? Remind me, what was the "moral of the story"? I vaguely remember a deal with the devil.

Alan said...

Excellent strategy, RHND. After all, no yoga-practising, edible shoes-wearing, tree-hugging, deodorant-eschewing man could possibly be a wanker. Could they?

Erika said...

[*warning: philosophical jargon ahead]
Alan: The only guarantee in dating is that there's no guarantee about much of anything. I thought, what the hell (no pun intended)- take a different approach. What's the worst that could happen? I meet more unsuitable suitors. It's a risk I'm willing to take :)

James said...

Any luck yet?

Erika said...

Ask me tomorrow ;)