Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Dating By Numbers

Last night I had date #4 with Ben. If you can call it a date. This seems to be a reoccuring theme.

So far here's the breakdown on our dates:

Date #1 (on a Thursday): went to the movies, watched Evan Almightly. No kissing as per first date rule. Ben asked what a guy has to do let me know they're interested (apparently I'm not the best at picking up on clues). I mutter that writing a message in the sky via air plane always has a nice touch. No contact made until Monday [he travels to the city every weekend to visit his son].

Date #2 (the following Tuesday): watched Big Brother at my house. This was a last minute, unplanned date because he couldn't wait until our next official date. And I didn't have a babysitter. Lots of kissing as I don't have any other dating rules.

Date #3 (Thursday): Enjoyed drinks at my house and played Scrabble. Lots of ...ah, um - look is that a UFO?!? No contact made until Monday.

Date #4 (yesterday): went for coffee at 10 pm (he worked late at the bank), drove to a local look-off but quickly left because it was after dusk and the park closes at dusk [i.e. park warden shuts a rather large looking metal gate, complete with heavy chain and padlock]. So we went back to my house.

At this point I am completely confused. Ben is obviously used to women not having any requirements for actual dating rituals and letting him get away with such lackluster dating behaviour. Well, not this chicka.

I had planned to tell him I couldn't see him again, after all, what girl wants to feel like an after-thought? Certainly not me. And after 3 dates, I did not feel like I knew anything sub-surface about him at all. So last night I made it a point to ask Ben some thought-provoking questions. He couldn't answer many of them. It's sad, but he seems used to women just taking him for his [extremely] good looks, [hot] body and [thick] wallet without really getting to know him.

I did find out: he was once a boy scout and alter boy, is technically catholic [but definitely not a practising catholic], think's he's going to hell, his idea of hiking is paying someone to hike the trail and send him the pictures (I love hiking!), doesn't drink "hot" beverages (I'd opt to be hooked up to a coffee IV) and thinks camping is cruel and unusual punishment unless equiped with camper and all modern conveniences known to man (I'm more of a "roughing it" minimalist camper).

I did not find out: if he had one week to live (and money was no object) what is the one thing he would want to do before he died, the biggest sin he's ever committed (in his defense, we could only remember 2 of the 7 deadly sins and then made a pack to rent Seven), his biggest passion right now and why he's never been engaged.

When we kissed goodnite I asked Ben if he was going to call me this weekend (he headed out of town this morning) - he said yes. This will be the test. If he does not call, there's no way I'm going out with him again. Oddly enough, it wouldn't bother me to end it.

We agreed we wouldn't be dating anyone else. Although to be accurate, he said it and I agreed so I didn't look like an asshole. Then, I deleted my profile.

I realize men are as different as snowflakes, but by date #3 I thought Liam was my soul mate. Sure, I was completely and utterly wrong. But this relationship (or whatever it is) is so different than what I'm used to. Ben has built a wall around him. Usually, I'm the one with the wall that someone needs to crawl over. So I find myself needing to climb over my wall to get over his wall. Not a position I'm used to.

It's a good thing I'm in fabulous shape.


Peter DeWolf said...

Maybe you just need to tell him that you'd like to go on a formal date date.

Amy said...

Camping IS cruel and unusual punishment even when equipped with camper and all modern conveniences known to man.

This guy sounds perfectly fine to me!

Starboard Tack said...

I do Peter Dewolf is right, and (if this is what you want) you should tell him you want to go on a formal date.

We men can be very dense, and if you don't tell us what you want, we will likely never know (Note: we can be REALLY bad at picking up hints -- thus be direct).

Relationship-wise, I would suggest going slow, and trusting your heart. Lack of immediate chemistry should be a concern, but perhaps that would change if you can break down his walls.

Erika said...

Peter and ST: Yeah, I did that. Hense the drive-in turned coffee date. From our first date he opts for the "what do you want to do" cop out. I like a man with a plan!

Amy: If it doesn't work out between me and Ben, I'll send him your way ;)