Monday, February 19, 2007

An Open Letter to My Ex-Boyfriend

Dear [insert name here],

I've deleted your email address so I couldn't send a reply to your too-little-too-late email. Here's all the things I wanted to say about why we "didn't/ don't/ won't work" but held back...

#1: You don't know how to say what you really mean and mean what you really say. Unless it's about something no one cares about, like wind surfing.
#2: You make the worst coffee I've ever tasted (I never thought "ass" was a coffee flavour til I met you).
#3. Yes, that huge crack across the front windshield of your car is unsafe and does make you look like you are too cheap to replace it.

Ok, I'm having way too much fun now...

#4. I find it hard to date a man that wears the same waist-size pants as I do.
#5. I hate the person I become when I'm around only you (too sensitive and too accomodating).
#6. The bumbling fumbling stuttering almost-gentleman Hugh Grant routine is only endearing when done by Hugh Grant.
Ok, so you're a good kisser. But that won't keep a girl warm at night.
#8. You've never actually been in love (your words). I guess you mean, with someone other than yourself...

There. I feel way better now that I got that off my fantastic chest.


PS - I probably should have told you all of this in the car that day you drove me home. But I knew you weren't being straight with me (I guess some things never change). It seems I've grown tired of being the only one telling the truth.

I really do wish you the best. With someone else.


Sean said...

ouch... but uhm, fantastic chest?

Frankly, Scarlett said...

haha - FABULOUS!

Kirsten said...

Do I dare ask who this letter is directed too?

Erika said...

Sean: I thought it sounded more interesting than just saying "chest" and less scarey than hairy chest ;)

FS: Thanks!

Kiki: You're a good guesser.