Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Undiscovered Dating Techniques #4: Ass-traction

Undercover Mother and I were chatting away at work yesterday, discussing her daughter Bridget's most recent object of malefection (i.e. male eye-candy). Let's call him Ted.

Bridget is using a rarely used but powerful technique to get Ted's attention...she's using the laws of ass-traction. Much like the laws of attraction, ass-traction specifically uses the hypnotic powers of the gluteus maximus, much like the effect of a tractor beam on Star Trek, men (and aliens alike) are defenseless.

This technique is especially useful during spinning class, as long as your bike is within ass-traction range.

Employed and enjoyed by men and women, the ass-traction should not be attempted by amateurs. You must be willing to put your money where your ass is (via a few trips to the gym to first make sure you're in prime ass-traction condition). Coordination and tight fitting shorts are a must.

Use at your own discretion.

6 comments:

Amy said...

Unfortunately the bikes at my gym are facing a wall. But I guess when I think about it, it's not a problem at all. There is no one there I would like to display my ass-et for.

Peter DeWolf said...

TOTALLY works.

Totally.

Kirsten said...

It is a fact that men love women's asses. But to add to your technique catch the cutie looking and smile. Guaranteed they will try to make conversation.

PS: I've never tried the above but it works in the movies :-)

Erika said...

Amy: Have you thought about changing gyms?

Peter: I knew you'd appreciate this post :)

Kiki: I'll pass your bonus technique tips on to Bridget!

James said...

So, are those your feet in the red shoes and your legs in the blue shorts?

Erika said...

James: To be honest, no and no. If you go to the post "Jiggle Bells" from November 15, 2006 you will see a picture of my actual legs (ahem) although they are consealed in a skirt. I think the picture of the feet in the red shoes is a very close representation of my actual feet (but ofcourse, mine are cuter :)