Wednesday, June 20, 2007

An Open Letter to My Future Boyfriend

Dear [insert delicious sounding name that rolls off my tongue here],

See how patiently I'm waiting? And, looking somewhat mischievous I might add. Perched gracefully (which isn't easy in that outfit or those shoes) atop a mini-step ladder just waiting for you to come graze my thigh and put something special in my box.

And then...

But first. I need to make a confession (or 8).

The Top 8 Things I Need To Confess to My Future Boyfriend:
- I have a blog: The Redhead-Next-Door. Ever hear of it? Oh :( Well, anyway. I wish you could read it and then tell me you want to be with me anyway. You know, after the initial shock wears off and you regain consciousness.
- I need to be lead by a strong man. Not in a passive 1950's house-wife kind of way. But in a knows how to plan a date, fix things when they break, protector, makes me feel cared for kind of way. [Please, no angry letters from feminists! I know what you are thinking, you crazy feminists, and you're wrong].
- I'm not perfect. Or a virgin. (So don't expect me to be either).
- Sometimes I like to cook. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I try really hard but it still boils over/ burns/ turns to mush/ tastes like cardboard. But I always look cute in an apron.
- I wear men's dress socks.
- I use humor as a defense mechanism.
- What "they" say about redheads - our stubborness, our passion, etc etc - all true
- When all else fails, just hold me.

I'm looking forward to meeting you (hopefully before my ovaries completely rot away).




Peter DeWolf said...

Do you think that potential mates see having a blog as a bad thing?

Sean said...

if multiple redheads hadn't already done the mexican hat dance on my heart...

Erika said...

Peter: Probably not a blog in general. Just my blog. Some of my material is...ah, different.

Sean: Sorry to hear that Sean. We're not all bad. But we are great dancers :)

Starboard Tack said...

I am confused. Why would you "confess" that the carpet matches the curtains -- unless you are coloring both???

Erika said...

ST: I was trying to think of something funny to go before the "use humor as a defense mechanism" thus making that confession much more ironic. Or something.

Kirsten said...

I would give this letter to your future husband not boyfriend. It will come in handy.