Wednesday, June 20, 2007

An Open Letter to My Future Boyfriend

Dear [insert delicious sounding name that rolls off my tongue here],

See how patiently I'm waiting? And, looking somewhat mischievous I might add. Perched gracefully (which isn't easy in that outfit or those shoes) atop a mini-step ladder just waiting for you to come graze my thigh and put something special in my box.

And then...

But first. I need to make a confession (or 8).

The Top 8 Things I Need To Confess to My Future Boyfriend:
- I have a blog: The Redhead-Next-Door. Ever hear of it? Oh :( Well, anyway. I wish you could read it and then tell me you want to be with me anyway. You know, after the initial shock wears off and you regain consciousness.
- I need to be lead by a strong man. Not in a passive 1950's house-wife kind of way. But in a knows how to plan a date, fix things when they break, protector, makes me feel cared for kind of way. [Please, no angry letters from feminists! I know what you are thinking, you crazy feminists, and you're wrong].
- I'm not perfect. Or a virgin. (So don't expect me to be either).
- Sometimes I like to cook. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I try really hard but it still boils over/ burns/ turns to mush/ tastes like cardboard. But I always look cute in an apron.
- I wear men's dress socks.
- I use humor as a defense mechanism.
- What "they" say about redheads - our stubborness, our passion, etc etc - all true
- When all else fails, just hold me.

I'm looking forward to meeting you (hopefully before my ovaries completely rot away).

xoxo,

Erika

6 comments:

Peter DeWolf said...

Do you think that potential mates see having a blog as a bad thing?

Sean said...

if multiple redheads hadn't already done the mexican hat dance on my heart...

Erika said...

Peter: Probably not a blog in general. Just my blog. Some of my material is...ah, different.

Sean: Sorry to hear that Sean. We're not all bad. But we are great dancers :)

Starboard Tack said...

I am confused. Why would you "confess" that the carpet matches the curtains -- unless you are coloring both???

Erika said...

ST: I was trying to think of something funny to go before the "use humor as a defense mechanism" thus making that confession much more ironic. Or something.

Kirsten said...

I would give this letter to your future husband not boyfriend. It will come in handy.